Truth

"In school they teach you how to multiply 9x8, make you read Macbeth and have you memorize the first 10 amendments of the constitution but they don't teach you how to stop loving someone when they've stopped loving you or how to deal with losing a friend to an unsaid goodbye or to a relative that has cancer that ate their brain away. At home i learned from my father that alcohol can make as many problems as it solves. But damn does it feel good to let my throat burn instead of my heart and to tune out problems in my head that i couldn't solve. Because life isn't 9x8 and it isn't the way authors describe their characters in a story, its those nights you lay awake missing someone wishing things could be different and it's the next day when you realise they can't and then it's how you pick yourself up after being down for so long. I taught myself that". 

18

Birthday's are definitely the time when you show appreciation and gratitude towards someone. Thanking them for breathing. Thanking their parents and ancestry. Thanking them for being a part of your life. 

Being 18 is somewhat a big deal for me even though i'm one to be in opposition to celebrate festivities, let alone my own birthday but somehow it felt important. 18 is not only the age where i'm legal (in my country) but also its the time that i start figuring out my next step into the real world. No more dependency. No more weekdays in school. Time to actually start paving my own dreams and rearrange the stars with my name in the skies. 

This year in particular the wishes i received from my family, best friends, and other friends and relatives were overwhelming. Filled with lots of appreciation and love towards my way. 

I'll share a couple of my favourite wishes here from various individuals that really made my birthday. Made me feel somewhat thankful to be alive. 

"HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER SLASH BFF. Seems like just yesterday we were swimming together in baby pools and look at us now. We've been through a lot together both happy and sad and I'm glad that I had you with me throughout the years. You're an incredible person with ambition and dreams (that I'm sure will come true), and Ary you inspire me. I am in awe of how good of a person you have grown up to be, you have such a giant heart and everyone who doesn't realize that is obviously very stupid and blind. It's extremely admirable how you go out of your way to make the ones you care about happy, and I wish everyone would do the same for you. 2014 put you through a lot of shit but hey, it's a new year now and it's gonna be filled with new beginnings and bigger, better things. You are truly one of the strongest people I know and I want you to always remember that your big sister aka me aka also your BFF (I hope) is going to constantly be around to listen to your rants and to help you out with whatever, whenever. Thanks for everything Ary and here's to many many more years of friendship until our children and their children have no choice but to be friends too hahaha. I hope you have an amazing day ahead of you, make the best of it. You only turn 18 once ! Celebratory lunch soon, insyaAllah. Happy birthday ! Xoxo"  

"Happy legal day kentut! 5 years of farting and next thing we know we're living two mins away from each other haha. Hope you have a great day today and have an awesome 18th! Stay strong stay independent and stay blonde lol ok what hahahahaha. Hope we get to chill and have dinner tmrw, us trios. So yahhh 18 years old cannot be ngada anymore ah, big boy dy. Hahaha have a blast man! And oh you have to stop paying for me and start letting me treat you sometimes haha. SEE YOU TOMORROW BIJ BYE SLEEP TIGHT 👊"

"HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BIGGEST BITCH ON EARTH (AFTER ME, OF COURSE)

We've gone thru kindergarten, primary school, high school together and now you're motherfuckin legal yo hahaha that was fast! 

You’ve impacted my life so much and I’m so blessed to have you in my life, there to support and be there for me every step of the way. I know i can count on you in anything and i hope you know that you can also do the same. 

We havent been talking much lately but i really hope we're not drifting apart or anything cause I know our friendship is stronger than that.

OK now, I sound like a broken record but yes I can't thank you enough for being my best friend. It is an honour to STILL be here by your side after 13 years, I love you so much. Happy Birthday again, see you later! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘"

"Hi! Good morning 😊 Yesterday i was waiting till midnight to wish you but as u know i fell asleep cause i cleaning my room such a louzy excuse but anyways happy 18th birthday!! 🎉🎊🎂 wow i only turned 17 literally 2 months ago now u're 18 well i guess i cant blame anyone but yeah thank you so much for literally everything especially listen to me rammbling about my friends or just literally about anything u are the only person that i deeply know cares about me (besides puteri) and i appreciate it so much.You've been there for me and u are more than just a cousin to me and i don't think i could have any better than that.You are the sassiest and most nicest person i've ever known i really love spending time with you.Okay so im gonna stop here or else its gonna be a long ass essay well happy birthday again and i hope you had a great day yesterday"

"Happy Birthday Ary!!! I really hope you have an amazing one we must go out again just you and me please like your bday last year omg hehehehe i miss you. Dont ever stop being yourself, youre an incredible person in and out and you must never let anyone make you feel otherwise. I love you bubz. You're sassy, you're smart, you're a goodlooking babe, you're one of the most kind hearted and strongest person i know. May Allah bless you, Azhary Azhar. Insya Allah ☺️❤️"

There is more for sure but those are the few favourites excluding instagram and facebook wishes. 

As for gifts, for me, the greatest gift anyone can give me is gratitude and appreciation. Include me in your prayers. Send me love. Instead of grand gestures, i'm more invested into receiving tearjerker wishes, warm and secure embraces and a constant reminder for how i've impacted your life and the difference i've made since both our worlds intertwined making it coherent.

Next, on my "big" day, i pretty much lived through it like a normal one. Just running errands and thanking each person for their thoughtful wishes. My mother thinks its absurd how i'm keeping it on a down low when its something to rave about.

Regardless of keeping it low key, i celebrated my birthday by having a small dinner with my family and 2 best friends. Made reservations at Beast, Intermark for 6. Mom, 2 brothers, 2 best friends and of course, me. Picked up both my best friends from work and made our way to KL. Traffic wasn't too bad for a weeknight. 

As we made our way into the restaurant, the waitress escorted us to our respective table. It was almost intimate because our table was practically covered by tall vases of floras and it was behind a counter. Its harder to explain here but it was almost unrecognisable. The atmosphere of the restaurant was very soothing, jazz music surrounded the space and the lighting was dimmed,  giving it the appropriate intimacy for us guests.

                 Mother and my bro's

       The bestest super friend, Ammar

  My oldest, enamouring best friend, Brina 

Food arrived but of course in between we took pictures. Pictures are evidence of any event as they say pics or it didn't happen. Both my best friends arent strangers with my family because they're like the extended version of it. It felt really good having loved ones around to celebrate a milestone of age. Not to my surprise my mom requested from the staff to sing me a happy birthday. Of course i was in no position to run or hide so i blushed my way through the song and smiled gleefully, even though the attention was overwhelming. 

To quote Jane Austen: 

"Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced and the inconvenience is often considerable".

                 Boom, i turned 18 

After dinner, we left and took pictures outside. The hotel was almost vacant as it was almost midnight. Of course, to make the night memorable we did have a little photo shanigan outside by the BEAST sign. It was hilarious. Polaroids went first and then we captured it on our phones. 

I hugged both of my best friends for being there, the tightest i could. It wouldn't be as great if both my tweedledum and tweedledee weren't around. (Fun fact: Sabrina, Ammar and I are almost inseperable, by choice. In school when one of us were demanded, we came by 3. We were a package).

The following day after work (this will

be another post soon), my dad and his girlfriend took me out for another birthday celebration. Ironically we ended up back at the same pub where i celebrated my birthday last year at Oasis, Damansara. My dad loves music and of course he found a place that was loud enough for the music to fill the room as the live band was performing. It was so loud that any conversation was either misheard or unheard. The sound of other voices were drowned under the sound of percussion instruments.

My dad is one to tie traditions tight but somehow that night he decided to plant a candle on my dinner. It was probably the only time i wished on a fish for my birthday. Neitherless it was great. 

The night was filled with conversations, good food and loud music. I wouldn't say it was laidback but in a way it was even though the surrounding was intense and loud. We took off around midnight.

As for today, after work, Asya decided to treat me for my belated. I declined the offer for a treat but i was definitely up for our little mission today. She insisted and persuaded. I agreed eventually. So after work, we made our way to TGIF at Parade. We werent exactly famished so we had desserts instead. 

            Asya or by birth, Syasya^

Stuffing ourselves with sweetness, we caught up and conversed into some pretty intensed topics and deep talks about life. We were also on a mission at TGIF, but i'm not allowed to classify any information as it could result my death. P&C. 

Probably after 20 minutes, to my surprise, a good old friend dropped by to say hi. I havent seen her since school

ended on Biology SPM day (Syasya on the other hand works at the same building as I). Dayana graced us with her ever so charming presence and gave both of us a tight embraced as she missed us. We talked for a few minutes as she had to make her way to celebrate her Abuela's birthday some place else. I'm most likely to see her during one of my breaks this week. 

           Mandatory catch up picture 

As for the rest of this week, i have plans with my cousin and my favourite senior and hopefully my god sister too. Really looking forward for to seeing them. I'm on work break on Monday till Wednesday so it makes it perfect to see all 3. 

I'd probably have to agree with you that my birthday was pretty good all in all. So blessed for the people in my life and around me. Thank you, God.

Lies

"For all poems written on the subject of unrequited love, there are so few on the pain of being the object of that affection. The truth is, its not love on which the strongest foundations are built, its the decency of merciful lies"

Self Introduction

First impressions make significant impacts. I am going to write 10 things about myself and it only seems fair that you get to know your blog superstar. 

              This is what i look like^

1. My full name is Ahmad Azhary bin        Azhar. I have a couple of nicknames. My family and friends refer me as Ary or Azhary. My best friend calls me kentut, monkey and basket. And a majority of people have a hard time pronoucing me name. 

2. I was born on the 5th of February 1997. Exact time would be at 6:53pm in SJMC. Took my mom 14 hours to push me out. I am a mere 172cm and i am full malay even though the way i look/act doesn't show it. I come from an Indonesian descent. I've been mistaken for Chinese, Indonesian, Philippines, Thai and British.  

3. Currently, i reside with my mother and 2 brothers. I am the oldest among my siblings. My parents are divorced but I still see my dad on weekends. 

4. The social media i have left is my instagram, facebook and ask.fm though i hardly use FB. Only reason i do keep it is to check on birthdays (i am sorry). Mostly

i am on Instagram and if you want to ask me stuff - go to my ask.

5. I get sick very easily. Usually i end up with high fever when i'm too stressed or when i participate in outdoor/extreme activities. The only jungle i can survive is the concrete jungle. I am NOT an outdoor person. I've been in the hospital at least thrice a year. 

6. I am a lover of all arts and fine things in life. I love reading, writing and binge watch movies/TV series. My favourite authors are Mitch Albom and Ellen Hopkins. I keep up with a lot of TV shows like Reign, The Originals, Glee, OITNB, Jane The Virgin to name a few. My all time favourite movies are Ferris Buellers Day Off, About Time, A Walk To Remember and Grease. I am a sucker for old music and movies as well. You can say i love to spend lavishly on fine dining and expensive clothes but the money i splurge is the money i saved up from my allowance. 

7. I am quick witted and sassy. I come

up with a lot of punch lines and most of the time i win in an argument. I'm not exactly shy but i'm not exactly outspoken, i am somewhere along the line. I love making new friends. I have horrible mood swings and i tend to be very emotional, (fact: i am very sensitive though i hate to admit it), i have a massive ego and i don't lower it just for anyone, if i do you must be pretty darn special. I make innocent things sound disgusting and perverted. I cuss like a sailor and i love to tease. When i'm close to someone, i tend to be clingy and annoying but my best friends do put up with me being needy (shoutout to Ammar, Nikki, Michelle and Sabrina). I can't swim and i HATE durian. 

8. I've only had 2 official relationships. I have entered the world of dating since i was 10. My first relationship lasted 2 years. My second one was almost 6 years though we have the on and off again situation. The rest are merely innocent courtships and flings. I've only truly been in love with one girl and i don't fall very easy. I am the dumper but i have been dumped twice. 

9. I am independent. Most of the time when i want to do something or go somewhere i don't depend on my parents. I like doing things at my own pace and i hate waiting. I am very determined and goal oriented. I am not very confident but i'm not afraid of speaking in public or go for interviews (fact: i passed my prefect interview when i was 13, i was selected for an exchange student program when i was 16 and i was the 5 from my state and i was also the school emcee for 2 years). I wouldn't say i'm intellectually gifted but i strive in language and reading subjects like English, History, Religion, Geography etc. I am not a gamer or am i into sports. The only game i play is the Sims. As for fitness, i like jogging and cardio work. My favourite sport is volleyball and i was in the school team in 2012. 

10. I love musicals, broadway, concerts and theater even though i can't sing or dance or act. I've been to a couple of musicals and it was pretty amazing. (fact: i've always wanted to be a dancer). The first concert i went to was Akon with my mom and my god mother. That's where my love for concerts begun. 

11. My passion for writing begun when i was 16 by watching The Carrie Diaries. I am an aspiring writer and i've had 2 of my articles published. One for a local newspaper and another in my school

magazine. 

That's 10 facts plus a bonus about me. What are 10 facts about you?

Welcome Home

With a new year comes with new resolutions and ideals for the upcoming months. This year however is slightly different than the others. I'm a high school graduate but i'm still waiting for my SPM results. I can drive legally. Most importantly, i am transistioning into young adulthood. 

As for this year, i am yearning to make a betterment out of myself and my environment. This year is going to be the year i'm finally free from my own demons. The year i am seizing for greater things and sculpting my future. 

I am now 18 and dazed at the moment. Temporarily i'm floating by the days and doing absolutely nothing productive. The thing i'm most looking forward to is my birthday. Being 18 is a much bigger deal than 16. I'm not sure why i'm really invested into planning an extravegant one this time round though i've never liked celebrating being a year older.

I'm also not working any part time jobs like everyone else as transport is an inconvenience from where i live. I swear i live at the end of the earth. My mom is paying me to run the house chores and play a partial parent and being her secretary and yes, i do get paid for being a domestic god. 

As for today, i was inspired to write a short story about a kid diagnosed with cancer and secretly fighting it without the knowledge of his friends or family. A little cliche but thats all i'm going to say. I'll post the story here.