Forever, they said. Forever and ever and ever. Forever and Always.
I thought i knew what forever was, how long forever is and that forever is the promise made out of sentimental gestures. The word forever provides a strong support, almost as an embrace that is so tight and everlasting that regardless of anything, it won't be broken. For-ev-er, 3 syllables, lingers within with a warmth, a word rolled off the tongue with such assurance of it will always be alright.
They told me, from time and time again, "forever" and "ever" and "ever", and i believed it each time. I was foolish to believe it. One last time, i asked, "you promise, forever?" and "forever and always" was the reply. It didn't occur to me that someday forever had its end.
The day i realised forever was never there to begin with, my world collapsed in a catastrophic chaos. My beliefs, all this while, was just an empty shell? How my emotions has devoted itself into being assured its nothing to be afraid of? Nothing lost? Nothing? Forever was really nothing. Forever never really meant to be forever. Forever was just meant to caress my insecurities, my fears into believing that it will be forever. Forever didn't mean shit, not to me anyways.
The realisation hit me harder than anything can physically impact me. I was hopeful, naive to hold on to the concept that forever meant something, that forever DID exist beyond the stories i was told, beyond the movies i saw, beyond anything that was impossible made possible because i believed that forever existed in my realm. I believed in many things that made me intransigent towards the bad's of today. I was old-fashioned in a sense that i believed in love at first sight, i believed in miracles, i believed in being chaste before marriage and above all, i believed forever existed.
"Forever was a lie, you're a liar!" i screamed.
It's a giant lie, the whole lot of it. Forever was nothing more than an empty promise. I mean, come on, realistically, who could ACTUALLY live up to it? It's too permanent, almost rectifying the many odds of life itself. The promise made with forever dangled in the end are promises that don't last. It doesn't add up half of the time why it doesn't last as it should but at the same time it was fiction, in all its glory anyways.
Forever never meant to last forever because forever was just too long for anyone to live up to it. Forever was the final saying of "yes, i'm all yours", "yes for a lifetime". i mean, really?
Forever was meant to give hope to the broken, to lead hopeless romantics like myself to believe that forever was more than it was worth. Forever was pure and simple, crystal clear of its concept to last for eternity.
Bullshit, forever was never yours to say or for me to believe in. Forever was meant to be in books, to keep a story alive for decades to come. Forever wasn't yours to comfort me with, forever wasn't mine to keep. Forever, a 7 lettered word you present me, out of spite with assurance that you indeed will be here, forever. Bullshit, forever was just an empty promise you decided to comfort me with. Forever, i don't believe in it anymore because forever isn't always forever, forever is full of it.
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