Beginning Of An Ending

"Everyday is a gift but when we have to be afraid that our time will be over soon, this saying gets a completely new meaning. We have to enjoy the time we've got left, even if we know that the people we love will probably not be with us forever. Suddenly, every second counts and time is running out. 

How do you explain to the person you love that all hopes have been shattered and that you return empty handed? What remains is to enjoy every moment we've got together and to show how much we love each other before its too late. 

Everything starts and everything ends. Even if we want to close our eyes to our past and to think that we can start over our new film at a moments notice, our past is still a part of us and has a part in making us the person we are now; in deciding why some things are important to us and not to others. Only once we've put something behind us and able to look back at it with ease, we are able to turn over a new leaf and meet new challenges with all our strength" and thats when you realise, its the beginning of an ending. 

Too Much Is Toxic

"I love you SO MUCH!" she said, extremely sure of the sentiment.

The feeling of being loved is always wonderful especially the ones expressed with utmost exaggeration, highest intensity of affection and a celebrated reciprocation in the end. Makes the cycle flowing naturally good. The idea of love becomes unexpected as you are in charge of making your own ideas not based on what others say or what has happened in movies or books rather love or being in love is something everyone is obligated to create on their own with their versions of renditions and traditions that would outweigh the worst of reality and make the best fantasies alive.

The crazy idea of love is, it ignites sparks that turn into lustful fires which creates a sensation within. It makes you drawn towards wanting to be one with your significant despite being two bodies apart. It's an incredible feeling to love incandescently. But because of the craze that it makes you feel, is it because you love TOO much that you've become enslaved to that person? I'm not pessimistic on love rather the latter. I am a hopeless romantic when it comes to love but realistically and based on personal experience, i did and had loved a person too much that cause me my death. Not the kind where i need bandages but the kind that requires me to figure out my next move, to wipe the tear trails off my face, to lick my bruised ego and to mend my broken heart. 

The worst part of it is that you beat yourself up for it. 

"..I can't keep up with you and your constant cling. My life doesn't revolve around you so please, i have a life too" he replied back, spitefully.

You know how much that line hurts? A self realisation that you've become unbearable anymore and it makes you wonder what the fuck have you done. 

When it becomes too much it drives you almost to the brink and the other away. Its not that you intend for it to go extreme but gradually, you've become so invested and comfortable that the proxemics is almost non-existent. The love grows more each day to the point where it is maxed out but you just can't get enough like drugs. The other thing that makes it unbearable when the other says enough is that your beliefs of the relationship shatters and you question yourself for the longest time, was it your fault? Was I too much? Was it me? It goes down back to you questioning your sanity and your identity as an individual.

No one can say how much is too much but when it does succumb to it, you will. The idea of love sometimes fogs our conscience that we forget to make ourselves happy first because when you are happy then only you can make others feel the same. How is it that you can love someone with all your might but not with yourself? Sometimes everything you're looking for is the one thing you can't see and everything you thought you wanted became the one thing you don't need thus that's what makes too much is toxic.